(Not) A Real Life

The Spurious Potato has never been underground and his eyes have no function.

The Spurious Potato uses various methods of misdirection, so nobody looks too closely.

The Spurious Potato can usually blend into the rest of The Sack, but when things heat up his true nature will become apparent.

The Spurious Potato must avoid the Paring Knife and Cooking Pot, at all costs.