Here, There and Everywhere

"Which way now?"

"It doesn't matter, they all go to the same place."

"Where?"

"Not here."

"Oh. I've already been there."

"You've been here too."

"Here and there, but not everywhere."

Hold On (It's All You Have)

Three viaducts cross three valleys.
Three people walk on them.

Three viaducts collapse and three people fall.
They die, and slip, unnoticed, into heaven.

Three houses are built on three clouds,
With three decks, three barbecues and three mini-fridges.

Twelve angels laugh, for the dead are still trying to live.

A Funny Thing

"A funny thing happened today."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah"

"What happened?"

"Well, you know those gag-flowers-things that squirt water when somebody smells them?"

"Gag-flower-things?"

"Yeah, clowns wear them."

"Oh yeah, those gag-flower-things!"

"Yeah. Anyway, these thirty-seven clowns..."

"Thirty-seven clowns?"

"Yeah, thirty-seven clowns."

"That's a lot of clowns!"

"Yeah. Anyway, these thirty-seven clowns where standing around..."

"What were they drinking?"

"Tea, I think. Anyway, these thirty-seven clowns where standing around, wearing these gag-flower-things, in a circle."

"A circle?"

"Yeah, and each clown was sniffing the next clowns flower-thing."

"All around the circle?"

"Yeah, all around the circle."

"Okay"

"So, then all thirty-seven clowns squirt each other at the same time."

"Hey, that's pretty funny."

"But that's not even the funny thing."

"What's the funny thing?"

"These twelve businessmen, who are eating lunch nearby..."

"Businessmen? Where was this?"

"In the park."

"The park?"

"You know, the park across from that Chinese doughnut shop. The Lucky Golden Cruller."

"Oh yeah, that's a nice park."

"Yeah. Anyway, these twelve businessmen are laughing like crazy. So I ask them what they're laughing at."

"And?"

"And they were laughing at my funny hat!"

The Cloudy Side

Four-Point-Three (4.3) Wednesdays walk into a month.

The waitress asks them, "What would you like to drink?"

"Four point three coffees, please," says one on the Wednesdays.

The Wednesdays sigh over their coffees and think, "There is still much work to be done."

Twelve holidays laugh, for the Wednesdays are doing nothing at all.

(Not) A Real Life

The Spurious Potato has never been underground and his eyes have no function.

The Spurious Potato uses various methods of misdirection, so nobody looks too closely.

The Spurious Potato can usually blend into the rest of The Sack, but when things heat up his true nature will become apparent.

The Spurious Potato must avoid the Paring Knife and Cooking Pot, at all costs.

Steppin' Out

Once upon a time, a large piece of fried chicken slipped on the stairs. As he lay unconscious on the floor eleven Herbs & Spices sneaked out the back door; where they met The Salt.

The twelve seasonings disguised themselves are carefree gypsies and they went cursing and fortune-telling.

Then they gave in to their meanest assumed stereotype--they laughed and danced.

More Lies

A Pack of Philosophers walk into a swimming pool and immediately head for the Deep End.

The waitress asks them, "What would you like to drink?"

"Twelve Bud Lights, please," says one of the philosophers.

They spend several hour speculating on the nature of the Shallow End.

Twelve life guards laugh, for the Pack of Philosophers have silly lifejackets.